'Come see my fishpond', she said coyly

A chronic sense of loss is what I have been feeling for the last few months after the loss of my long term girlfriend.  She even changed her number even though I only called her seven times in two weeks, treating me like I am all of a sudden some type of stranger/stalker overnight.  My friends have told me, by the way when I say "friends" I really mean anonymous posters on internet message  boards that  I have never met or had any kind of previous comradeship with, misogynistic thing such as "Men age like wine, women age like milk", "Women are all whores" in a lame attempt to support my less-than-amazing mood.

At first I honestly did not know why I felt like this.  I had been meaning to break it off with the girlfriend for quite awhile.  She is not intellectually gifted and at 5'1" she is three inches under the US average female height of five feet four inches.  She has very poor vision and has some significant health problems which could potentially bleed into any of her offspring. She barley can support herself as she works as a waitress while attending a small college for what is surely to be a field of study with less than ideal employment options.  She does have many positives but this is not the time to list them.

Yet I still feel a persisting, congesting heaviness.  After reading this feedback from one of my "friends" I got to thinking.

"I know everyone here wants to be a tough guy and say "LOL deal with it!" but honestly, as a person who harbors both a sentimental heart and a grudging, firey temper I'll tell you the truth.

There's nothing you can do. "Deal with it" is not an answer. You will continue to feel like shit and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, you just have to wait for feeling to slowly, fade day by day.

On less emotional level, this is for a reason. It's one of the few things that literally is supposed to piss us off. As a male human being, when we have sex with a chick we have a feeling that we are making her ours. I know the pencil necks and feminists will call this 'sexist', but it's human nature. The thought of another male mating with a woman you've 'mated' with is supposed to drive us absolutely insane with rage. Jealousy, hate, and anger are not inventions of the human social system, but as human beings we have to remain civilized about it. It's because of this that even after you've fallen out of love with a woman, the thought of another man having sex with her will still scramble your emotions."

There is nothing you can do short of petty revenge. You just have to wait."
The reason I feel bad is because I lost something that actually had value.  I lost a piece of property that I owned.

Looking on backpage.com, the average prostitute in the "escorts" section costs 163$.  Assuming I had sex with my ex girlfriend twice a week that would be a value of:

 2 x 52 x $163 = $16,952

My girlfriend also provided me with cleaning services, craiglist.org shows that I can get residential cleaning done for 40$ a week. 

 $40*52 weeks = $2,080

Lastly she provided me with someone to talk to and share my feelings with everyday over my cell phone.

A girlfriend phone hotline would cost me 2.99 per minute. 

 
2.99 min x 20 min x 365 days a year = $21827

$16,952 +  $2,080 +$21827 = 40,859 U.S. dollars = the equivalent value of having a girlfriend for a year

Looking on Craigslist for land in Wyoming, someplace I could find peace of mind, I found a piece of property for less than 40859:

$40000 for sale - 80 acres (Red Desert)

Price reduced. 80 acre raw parsel, Sweetwater county. The sale of this property needs the approval of the Bankrutcy court of Wyoming. Legal description and mapping directions will be sent to those interested. Asking $35,000

So when  I lost my girlfriend I lost the financial equivalent of a 80 acre ranch on one day.  Money is similar to fecal matter in that you only feel it when it moves.  A quote from the popular television series "Game of Thrones" about losing money and whores.

Ros [crying] (one of Petyr Baelish's prostitutes):
"I can't stop thinking about it, I can't sleep.  Poor little baby."

Petyr Baelish [emphatic]:

"You know you remind me of another girl.  A lovely thing I once acquired from a Lesian pleasure house.  Beautiful, like yourself and intelligent, like yourself.  But she wasn't happy. She cried, often.  I  asked her why but, we didn't have the kind rapport that you and I have.  Yes it was quite sad.  Girls from the Lesian pleasure house are expensive.  Extremely expensive.  And this one wasn't making me any money.  I hate bad investments.  Really I do. They haunt me.  I had no idea to make her happy. No idea how to mitigate my loses.  A very wealthy patron, he offered me a tremendous amount of money to let him...transform this lovely ,sad girl her, to use her in ways, that would never occur to most men.  And you know what occurs to most men.  I would not say he succeed in making her happy, but my losses were definitely mitigated.  Take tonight off.  I'll see you tomorrow and you will be happy.  That makes me happy. "

A pretty extreme and disgusting piece of dialogue but I can definitely empathize with the losing money part.  It has been said that hate and love are not on opposite sides of the coin but actually on the same side of the coin with apathy on the other side.  I need to start charging my ex-girlfriend rent for space inside my head.  The soon she becomes someone that I used to know the better.   

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